Bizarre Luck

In a piece called Personal History posted elsewhere, I have listed out some of the bizarre things that have happened in my life that I can't prove, one of which is that I wrote a blog post that I think President Trump probably actually read and acted on during his first term. Only Trump actually knows for certain if that is TRUE.

I'm writing this piece because I'm still trying to figure out how to more actively work on my current parenting blog, a site called Raising Future Adults.

In some sense, I don't really care and didn't care at the time that Trump apparently read my blog, acted on my advice and did NOTHING for ME. 

I was merely glad to see him lighten up -- whether or not that was actually due to MY writing -- and stop seeing articles where various states were making noises about "We shall not stand for this!" which I felt was an indication that people were considering seceding if he continued in the way he was going. 

So I was happy to see the country not break up into multiple smaller countries or see various states or regions TRY to do so during a global pandemic, potentially adding civil war to the problems we were having in the US.

I was homeless and very ill and it would have been a problem for me if he had credited me at that time and made me overnight famous.

There's a lot of things in my life along those lines and I tend to not speak of my views precisely because I am well aware that a lot of people will gleefully leap on my statements and intentionally twist it into justification for intentionally mistreating me and then double down on mistreating me.

And I tend to not speak of my views because they are private opinions which tend to come back to bite me when shared publicly and I really need to somehow make MY LIFE work. 

I believe in karma -- that what you put out comes back to you -- and I believe in astrology and reincarnation. I believe we have some input to some degree in the conditions of our incarnation and that the time and astrological influences are chosen with our goals in mind to some degree.

That doesn't mean I see life in narcissistic terms where planet Earth is my personal playground. I'm not religious, especially not interested in Christian bullshit, because that idea that "God loves you!" breaks down the minute you get more than one person believing in a supposedly all knowing, all powerful God who LOVES you and basically is supposed to be your bitch and grant all your requests merely because you ASKED ("prayed").

See for example the movie Bruce Almighty where Bruce lazily says "yes" to all prayer requests and so many people win the lottery that they each get like seventeen dollars apiece. 

But I find social stuff interesting and have long had a hypothesis that if an "ordinary" person -- someone not rich or famous or powerful -- could experience and observe what life is like for ordinary people and then come up with better answers than what we currently have, then things could get better. 

I think a lot of problems are not due to nefarious intent but are due to the people in power not KNOWING what life is really like for the people negatively impacted by their policies.

And the fundamental question of MY life has been "Where does useful knowledge end and Doreen is just not actually ordinary begin?"

It's a thing I've wondered about a lot of advice on the Internet. If someone says "It's easy! Just do X!" is it easy for them because they are metaphorically seven feet tall, so they have reach most people lack? Or is it ACTUALLY easy IF you know the trick to it?

When I was an active participant on the gifted support email lists for tagfam.org, I frequently replied with an answer that was so much better than what had already been said by anyone that it changed the direction of the conversation. The same thing was somewhat common on Metafilter.

Both spaces are full of the best of the best of the best, sir! And in both spaces people were jealous and hateful more often than respectful and grateful.

I'm not convinced this planet can be fixed. Global thermonuclear war may be the only real solution to this cesspit.

Because most people don't WANT real solutions to ANYTHING. And there is a long history of people in some way acknowledging that my answers for some things stand head and shoulders above the answers others provide while insisting on treating me like slave labor and not paying me and it makes ZERO difference how much I tell people I'm extremely poor and trying to figure out how to earn a living and support myself.

I was able to foster conversation on a list called TAGPDQ which was for extra gifted people and as far as I know that list essentially died once I stopped participating. It's quite hard to get people to say "I or my child is extremely gifted AND I desperately need a support group because of it! Please help me figure out how to live effectively with this!"

I could get people talking. No one else seemed able to do that.

And I have been shunned by the gifted community.

Anyway, I'm clearly NOT "ordinary" no matter how humble my circumstances currently are and have been for years. I want NOTHING to do with Sam Altman, Slash, the people who run tagfam and shunned me, the people who run Metafilter and unjustly banned me, etc.

If Trump were to do right by me at this late date, I would be okay with that. It would have been a disaster had he tried to credit me during the pandemic and I feel I dodged a bullet.

(Not that I expect that to come to pass. It's not the reason I'm writing this.)

But I basically believe people who have actually mistreated me who personally knew me and wanted my special expertise for FREE knowing I was trying to figure out how to support myself: those people were telling ME and "the universe" who they are and what their character is like and what can be expected of them if you are kind to them and what they were saying is they don't deserve good things and are not my friend and I would be a fool to continue giving to them knowing what awful people they are and continue to choose to be.

But Trump didn't personally know me and was president. The rest did personally know me and personally mistreated me intentionally and knowingly for reasons I likely would not understand even if I knew what they were and I don't care to hear it.

In some sense, I'm feeling like I am finally ready to say what I want to say about some things and I needed the experiences I've had to get here. I needed to know that, no, most people aren't nice, honest, honorable, trustworthy etc. and most people will not do right by others no matter how much you have done for them.

No that doesn't remotely mean those people were "right" to intentionally shaft me. Had they not shafted me and chosen to do right by me instead, I wouldn't need those "lessons" because it would mean planet Earth is different from what happens to exist.

But for MY purposes, I needed to know just how intentionally awful most people really are in order to have some hope of speaking my mind and not having it be a dumpster fire.

But I was more privileged than I understood and have known more incredible people than I realized. And I finally feel I understand something, though I don't know how to explain it adequately, and I am working on moving forward with writing about parenting after more than two decades of sorting that out.

Anyway, to try to make a point relevant to this blog: My son says I have "bizarre luck" by which he means it's common for things to "go wrong" in a way that is the best possible outcome for me in retrospect and that's likely due to the Uranus influence in my chart.

I'm "nice" to people because I'm very knowledgeable about certain things and because I believe my deeds -- good or bad -- come back to me in some fashion. I think my bizarre luck is an expression of that in my life.

Footnote

Why, yes, I DO think Slash had to have known me personally to be stealing my words. He must have an anonymous account on Metafilter and must have spoken with me regularly and saw me as knowledgeable and insightful etc.

Otherwise it makes no sense for a famous physician to steal the words of a random homeless woman that were only briefly on screen before the mods of that cesspit deleted it.